2013

It's quite funny, when you notice that you start writing blogs during the start of the new year. Most of my blog posts were written last January, and now I am starting to write a new one again, in January.

Well, its the start of the new year, and I'm sick. Caught the flu virus right at the very first day of 2013. But hey, I think it's better you get the flu earlier in the year than later, so that your antibodies get immune and prevent them from occurring in the future. At least that's what I think.

One of the things that I'm pondering about this year is to start writing a blog in Japanese. I think that's a good way for me to actually apply what I have been studying the past year or so. Without further ado, I'll start by introducing a little bit about myself.

はじめまして！

私はケヴィンと申します.
今は二十二歳です。そして誕生日は三月四日です。二ヶ月に二十三歳になります。私が少し古いになりますね。(笑）
仕事はソフトウェアエンジニアです。大変な仕事ですけれども楽しかったです。それからサラリーはちょっと高いです。w w w 冗談ですよ。
趣味はギターを弾いたり本を読んだり日本語を勉強したり音楽を聞いたりします。大好きな日本のバンドはパフュームです。（あーちゃんが大好き！❤）
いつかは日本に住みたいです。それで日本中を旅行したいとくに北海道です。
イタリアン料理とか鮓とか刺身とかチーズケーキとかダークチョコレートが大好きな食べ物ですよ。
私の日本語がちょっと弱いんですけれど日本語の勉強を頑張ります。
ではここに終わりましょうか。

ありがとうございます。どうぞよろしくおねがいいたします。

明けましておめでとうございます。

Hiatus

More often than not, when God teaches you a lesson, it does not happen overnight. Some takes days, weeks, months, or years even. 


For quite a long while (since the last time I last wrote on this blog), I have been wrestling with God. I have been doubting His very existence. I have been sidetracked and lost my way for some time. I have made a lot of mistakes in that span. A lot of wrong choices and decisions. Things that glorify the self rather than Him. The list goes on and on.


But. 


Despite all I did, I was reminded of one thing. That nothing/no one can separate anyone from the love of God. Be it whatever things mentioned above. 


I have been asking God a lot of questions during those times. Sometimes, I search at the wrong places. Sometimes, I don't get an answer. Sometimes, God does say something to me, though not through an audible voice, but through experiences and events. But God did surprise me one day though, that He spoke to me through a friend. And what that friend told me coincides with what I have been debating God about.


God's love is always there. Despite all the sins that we have done, and will be doing. We are often fooled by the enemy that we lose His love whenever we do such things, yet what we actually lose is the assurance of it.


His love is permanent. And it will always be. 

When the Heart says Go, but the Mind says No

There are things in life that are always at constant conflict. Man and nature, viruses and white blood cells, hackers and security experts, the rich and poor, communists and capitalists, a magnet's north pole and south pole, i could go on and on, but i might not be able to finish writing if i do.


A person's heart and mind are, at the very least, not on good terms with each other. Every time a heart wants something, the mind immediately thinks about it and would always rationalize about the validity of what the heart wants. The heart would argue that the things in life are meant to be felt and enjoyed to the full, and rationalizing about it would essentially put a lid over the cup so to speak.


However, to an ordinary person, this battlefield between the heart and mind does not really exists, mainly because the mind is under control of the heart. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that the heart is not a good thing, or an evil one at that, its just that our minds are used to succumb to the heart's desire, therefore leaving no room for thought, to the extent that it becomes an automatic and involuntary action everytime our hearts feels like doing something.


What's sad about that is that we easily give in to the desires of the heart without really thinking about what consequences these desires might bring. Or maybe we'd just easily accept and live with whatever consequences it might bring, no matter how grave (or dull) it might be. What's even worse is that we are sometimes content with living this kind of life and not doing something about it.


Sometimes, what we think about is the 'now', the temporary, and not the eternal. And that's where we miss the point. These distractions are what's keeping us from realizing what's more important and what's more substantial in our lives. Although this is the case, all of us fall short of this at some point in our lives, for we are only human. But still we shouldn't make this as our excuse. I believe we should learn from our previous experiences, whether it be good or bad, because there's always something to take from those, no matter how small.


I've had my fair share of these. These momentary and sometimes guilty pleasures. I succeed at overcoming these circumstances at times, but its usually failure on my end. But only through these failures that I learn and grow, for His power is made perfect in my weakness.


This's probably a lot of musings for now, for the heart and mind is a very complex and abstract concept. Maybe I'll write off a sequel for this one sometime in the future, for this battle of heart and mind continues on.                       

Pruning

Kind of a late post this week. But anyways, here's my thoughts during Day 6 of last week's Seven day Prayer and Fasting. May be a bit disorganized, but it's genuine in a sense that I just typed away what my thoughts are currently processing that time. Enjoy:

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Pruning

Six days into the fast and it still keeps on getting better. God never fails to amaze. I know God is pointing specific areas in my life that I need to change. 

Before a plant bears fruit, there are certain prerequisites that needs to be done. Adequate sunlight and water, roots deeply planted on good soil, environment and temperature should be just right, fertilizers are usually needed, and of course, proper care of the one who planted that seed. 

But sometimes, no usually, these certain conditions are not met. And that's where the owner comes into the picture. The one who planted the seed should take care of the plant or else, it will just wither and die. And one of the things the owner should to is to prune the plant.

One of the definitions of pruning is, "to cut off or cut back parts of for better shape or more fruitful growth." There it is right there. The very definition of pruning is applicable not only to plants, but also to us as well.

John 15: 1-8

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples

Now, for us to be fruitful christians, we should remain in the vine. And if we are in the vine, we should be bearing fruit. However, there are aspects in our lives that aren't producing fruit. And if this is the case, all the more that we need pruning. God removes those branches that does not bear fruit, in order for us to be fruitful.

Now, cutting branches will be painful. Nobody said that it isn't. Pruning will hurt you, because it is God Himself that is cutting ties to those areas in your life that does not bring glory to His name. It may be a sinful habit, an illicit relationship, personal issues, whatever. Those areas in our life that God points at to us should be changed. And of course, not through our own will or strength, but only through His grace, else all of it will just be in vain.

Pruning does not happen overnight. It is a process that takes time. After all, no plant that was pruned bore fruit the next day. It will take some time for it to sit, and for us to realize the effects of what just happened. It will be uncomfortable or unfamiliar at first, but it is for the best. God does not prune someone only to wither in the end. If only we would wait on God's perfect timing and on His will, we will see that fruit grow, and reap whatever God has planted. And then we would just look back and remember, 'this must be the result of God's pruning. Thank God I yielded and allowed Him to prune me.'

Belief

Prayer and Fasting Day 1.                                                                                                                                                                                                       


Belief.


That's what really hit me after going through this day's devotional. The main topic for this day was about the Gospel, and I think nothing could be more fit than that to jump start this seven day Prayer and Fasting.


I remember a line from the movie, Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Reepicheep said this one: "We have nothing if not belief." I completely agree with him, and I do because belief is something that is evident in my life, and I would consider it to be the bane of my existence.


Belief is something that every person has, whether they know it or not. Belief in themselves, other people, one's abilities, tradition or superstition, science, facts and hard evidences, luck or chance, spiritual forces, religion. You name it, everyone has it. One would not exist (at least in their own perception) if they don't believe they exist.


Belief comes in many ways and forms. It can come through a sudden realization that one single concept could actually be true to your life. Or it can be something that is built gradually, up until to the point that it convinces you. It can also be something that is empirical, making sure that each and every one of your senses experience it first hand. It can be something that other people have passed on to you, sort of like the property of transitivity in mathematics. In any way, shape or form, belief makes its way into our lives. The only question there is that whether we would accept it or not.


I have come across belief many times, and in as many different ways. Some of it have stayed, some of it had gone. But among those who stayed, only one thing felt very real and true to me. One thing that is so important, yet oftentimes taken for granted. One thing that many people spend their whole lives just to find, yet people who has it treats it nothing more than a set of rules to follow. This thing that is so elusive to many, yet seems too commonplace for the few. This thing that I am talking about is none other than the Gospel.


By definition, the Gospel means good news. And if it is the good news, many people should be glad about it, right? Unfortunately, no. And to me, it really seems so ironic to think that people always want to hear about good news, yet refuse to believe the Gospel, the good news itself. This did not come easy on me too, when I first heard it. Believing is hard when it's something that is unproven to yourself. However, when you believe in something that is greater than yourself, anything is possible. Including me believing what I previously thought was unbelievable.


Quoting a passage from my Prayer and Fasting devotional, "Good news is often really good only to the degree that we realize that the bad news is really bad." The bad news is that, we are all sinners, and all have our own transgressions against God. And for it we deserve nothing but death. However, the good news is God has been the one to pay the price that we should pay. God came to earth to die for all our sins, and then resurrected and returned to His glorious place in heaven. For me, that good news was even magnified because of the realization that I had back then. I was unworthy, I was undeserving, I am nothing, yet Someone came and died for me? Now that's what you call good. And to me, it became more than just good. It began from a realization, then eventually started to manifest itself into my life little by little. It started to show itself not only through my own perception, but also through others'. I experienced the transformation it had caused not only through my five senses, but also through my intangibles. After a long search of where to put my belief on, along came the Gospel.


We all have our own stories about our personal beliefs. And it need not be about what I've just written. Believing in something is what makes us alive, and also makes us human. It is essential for us to grow and to elevate to a higher degree of maturity. In a world full of lies and pretensions, belief will be your compass that will lead you to your destination. And of course, that belief is, and should always be, based on something greater than ourselves.


Going back to what Reepicheep said, "We have nothing if not belief." And that's what I will have as I start the 7 day Prayer and Fasting.

The Month That Was. (or is)

Hefty January.


It's just the first (well technically second) day of the year and I find myself being caught up on a lot of things starting this month. Here's a rundown of some of the things I plan on accomplishing this month:


- Intermediate level of my Nihongo class.


    My beginner class ended about three weeks ago. Tentative start date of the intermediate class would be on January 10. And it would be for another 30 hours of finger lickin, tongue twisting and memory jamming japanese language fun.


- 2012 Annual Prayer and Fasting.
    
    More info can be found here. 


- Attend my Victory Group regularly.


    Well, I've been gone and missing in the group since I took my Japanese classes last November. And just when I thought I could attend regularly again, the impending schedule of my jap class starts to plague my schedule again. Hopefully I could talk my sensei into finding a compromise of not having classes on Thursday, no? 


- Start living a healthy lifestyle.


    And one step of that would be to attend and enroll in a gym. Got myself a one month unlimited gym voucher at Gold's Gym, and of course, I wouldn't let that go to waste wouldn't I? I plan on starting mid January, also still depending on my daily schedule.


- Attend online classes at Stanford University.


    They have a lot of cool and interesting subjects available via online classes. Like this one for starters. More information can be found on the respective subject's website.




That's just some of the highlights for this month of January. Not to mention the regular challenges at work, daily stress during travels, and my occasional delusional self. Guess I got my hands really full this time. But hey, being busy sometimes has its own benefits. Like taking my mind off someone for instance.          

Here's to a New Beginning.

New Years Day.




It has been a while since I last wrote or posted a journal entry. Time really flies by fast and it really makes you feel old and awkward when you realize, your last blog post was three years ago. A lot has happened since then. Gone are the days when life seems to be so easy and kind. Where happiness are of the more shallow kind, hopes as high as the mountains, and problems always being seen through a magnifying glass. Yes it has been quite a while. Age has caught up and continues to race with me side by side. But along those blissful, fleeting years come growth and maturity. Something I realized myself was lacking a few years back.




And before I even see this year's very first break of dawn..




Happy New Year! and here's to a New Beginning.